There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
