I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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