She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
