woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
