So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
