Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
