Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
