I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
