Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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