I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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