My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
