she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
