wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
