Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
