i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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