So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
