Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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