Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
