Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
