for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Two words: blizzard sex
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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