I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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