Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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