Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
