i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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