i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize