Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
