She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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