im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
