So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
