I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
