If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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