We won't sleep together?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
