His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
