The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
