i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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