Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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