Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
