I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
