i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
