I just saw a hot homeless man
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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