There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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