You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
