I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
