That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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