I can tuck mytits in my pants
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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