he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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