Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
