Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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