When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
