things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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