Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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