I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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