areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
