i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
