from now on my penis is your penis
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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