my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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