Please, let me fuck your mom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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