Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We are all done wearing pants today
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
