Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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