Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
