Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
