hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
