Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
