That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?