I don't think brook has ever known best
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.