If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.