ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
