did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??