Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
