WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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