Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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