he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
