Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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