first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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