i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
