How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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