so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
