i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
