my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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